#im good at it . and i Like this place so i think im okay with doing this

[pandapetals]

You're Too Good for Me

Logan has a nightmare which causes him to spiral thinking you deserve better. He hurts your feelings then tries to make up for it.

professor logan howlett x professor fem!reader - established relationship (y'all married), cute, fluff, teasing, no y/n used, no reader description, your an english professor, logan is a history professor - imagine days of future past logan with the white streaks in his hair

a/n: request from anon and i ran with it. I’m on my period so im emotional. also i think the song head over feet by alanis morissette describes their relationship perfectly.

read on ao3 or find more parts for the series: here

Logan hadn’t had a nightmare like this in a long time—dark, violent, pulling him back to places he thought he’d managed to bury. He woke up gasping, drenched in cold sweat, fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. He barely registered your hands on his shoulders, your soft voice coaxing him back to reality.

"Logan," you whispered, brushing a hand gently through his hair. "It’s okay. You’re safe. I’m here."

As he sat up, breathing ragged, he could feel the old shame tightening in his chest, coiling around his heart like a vise. You didn’t deserve this. You didn’t deserve to be woken up in the middle of the night to deal with his demons, his scars that never truly healed.

In the dim light, he glanced at you, your concerned eyes, the gentle way you held him as though he were something fragile. Something that needed fixing. And it cut deeper than he expected.

"Go back to sleep," he mumbled, pulling away from your touch, trying to put space between you. "You don’t have to… just go back to bed."

You watched him, hurt flashing across your face before you masked it with understanding like you always did. But that only made it worse. Logan felt like a burden, an anchor holding you down when you could be with someone lighter, someone whole.

It was selfish, he realized bitterly, for him to have married you. To drag you into his darkness, to let you tether yourself to someone so broken. You could have had happiness with someone who didn’t carry the weight of a hundred lifetimes, someone who wouldn’t drag you into his nightmares.

The day that followed was unforgiving. The mansion was chaotic with the energy of kids excited for the upcoming weekend, their laughter and chatter echoing through the halls. Normally, Logan found a certain kind of peace in the routine, in the noise and laughter. He’d steal a moment to find you, just to see the way your eyes lit up when you spotted him across the room, the way you’d smile like he was the best part of your day.

But today, he couldn’t bring himself to look for you. Instead, he kept his distance, trying to hold onto the feeling of solitude he hadn’t felt in so long. He couldn’t shake the gnawing thought that he was ruining your life, that every day you stayed by his side, you were giving up a piece of yourself for someone who didn’t deserve it.

Still, avoiding you completely proved impossible. In the late afternoon, he wandered into the library to drop off a book one of the students had left in his class, and there you were, seated at one of the old wooden tables, a notebook open in front of you, scribbling something with that quiet intensity he loved so much.

As if sensing his presence, you looked up and caught his gaze, breaking into a warm smile. "There you are," you said, your voice light, teasing. "I feel like you’ve been avoiding me all day."

The words hung in the air, playful but carrying an undertone of uncertainty. When Logan didn’t respond, your smile faltered slightly, concern filling your eyes.

"Logan," you started, your tone softening, "what’s going on?"

Logan let out a long sigh, shoving his hands deep into his pockets, his gaze dropping to the floor. "Sweetheart," he said, his voice gruff, "don’t… don’t try to make me feel better, alright?"

You blinked, taken aback. "I’m not… I don’t even know what’s wrong. I’m just… trying to understand." Your voice wavered, the usual confidence slipping as you searched his face.

He looked down, feeling the weight of his own words pressing on him, but they spilled out anyway, rough and raw. "I don’t know why you stay with me. You’re too good for someone like me."

The hurt in your eyes was immediate and stark, cutting through him like a blade. Usually, you would have brushed off his self-deprecating comments with a witty remark, or maybe a kiss, but this time…the pain was visible.

"Wow, Logan." Your voice was quiet, almost disbelieving. "I guess if you say it enough, maybe I’ll start to believe it."

He felt his heart clench as he watched you, saw the way you pulled back as if shielding yourself from him. Before he could say anything, you’d gathered up your things and walked out, leaving him alone in the library, the silence heavier than any nightmare.

Later that evening, Logan sat in Xavier’s office, staring at the floor as the Professor studied him with quiet patience. Logan had come here for advice, though he hadn’t known how to ask for it. After a few minutes of silence, Xavier spoke.

"She loves you, Logan," Xavier said gently, his voice filled with the kind of understanding that only came with time. "And yet you push her away despite being married for years now. Why?"

Logan swallowed, struggling to put his feelings into words. "She… deserves better than me," he muttered. "I drag her into my mess. She’s always the one tryin’ to fix me, to hold me together. I don’t wanna keep holdin’ her back."

Xavier regarded him thoughtfully, folding his hands. "Perhaps," he said softly, "she doesn’t see it as a burden, Logan. Perhaps you’re the one who’s still carrying that weight." He paused, allowing the words to sink in. "But by constantly questioning her commitment, by doubting her love, you’re hurting her far more than any nightmare ever could."

Logan’s jaw tightened, shame flooding through him as Xavier’s words settled in. He’d spent so much time convinced he was protecting you by keeping you at arm’s length, he hadn’t realized he was driving a wedge between you. He was the one putting cracks in your relationship, making you question the very foundation of what you’d built together.

Determined to make it up to you, Logan planned a small, thoughtful evening, something that would remind you of the early days, back when things felt simple and uncomplicated. He knew he’d hurt you, and there was no grand gesture that could fix it. But maybe he could start by showing you what you meant to him.

He set up a cozy picnic under the stars in the mansion’s quiet garden, the same spot where he’d taken you for one of your dates. There were blankets laid out, soft lanterns casting a warm glow, and a small table with your favorite food—he’d even found the wine you’d both liked that night.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, you finally came outside, your expression wary but softened by curiosity. Logan’s heart thudded in his chest as he stood, waiting, feeling more vulnerable than he ever had on a battlefield.

"What’s all this?" you asked quietly, glancing around the setup with a mixture of surprise and hesitation.

Logan rubbed the back of his neck, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. "I… wanted to make it up to you. I know I’ve been a real jackass," he admitted, his voice gruff. "I’ve got this… damn habit of pushin’ people away. And I know I’ve hurt you by doin’ it. You didn’t deserve that."

Your expression softened, and you stepped closer, your eyes searching his face.

"There’s a… note," he mumbled, pointing to a folded piece of paper on the table. "I wrote it… y’know, in case I couldn’t say all of it right."

You picked up the note, unfolding it carefully. His handwriting was rough, scrawled across the page, and the words were raw, unpolished, but every line held the weight of his heart:

"I know I don’t say it enough, but you’re the best damn thing that ever happened to me. You’re my light, my peace, even when I don’t think I deserve it. I’d be lost without you, and it scares the hell outta me sometimes. I’m sorry for doubting what we have. I love you more than I know how to say, and I’m the luckiest man in the world to have you by my side."

You looked up at him, tears shimmering in your eyes, but there was a soft, unwavering smile tugging at your lips. "Logan… you don’t have to do all this to prove anything," you murmured, squeezing his hands. "I know how much you love me. I’ve always known."

Logan gave a half-shrug, but his expression softened as he took a tentative step closer, his thumb brushing gently over your knuckles. "Maybe," he muttered, his voice rough, almost vulnerable. "But I’m a damn stubborn fool, and I know I don’t say it enough. Hell, I’m lucky you haven’t given up on me yet."

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in close until your foreheads were nearly touching. "Logan," you whispered, your voice steady despite the emotion welling up in your chest. "I knew exactly what I was getting myself into the moment I kissed you that first time. You seem to forget… this is a two-sided relationship. I chose this, and I chose you—all of you. The good, the bad, and even the ugly."

A small, wry smile crossed his face as he held you tighter, his hand splaying against the small of your back. "Guess there’s plenty of that last one," he murmured, his tone filled with self-deprecation.

You shook your head, lifting a hand to cup his cheek, guiding his gaze back to yours. "I don’t want some perfect, easy life. This marriage hasn’t been easy—no one ever promised it would be." Your voice softened, and a flicker of pain crossed your face as you thought back to the late nights, the nightmares, the moments of doubt. "But I wouldn’t trade a single second of it."

Logan’s eyes softened, the weight of your words sinking in as he searched your face. There was a flicker of something vulnerable, almost boyish as if he still couldn’t quite believe that someone like you would stay through it all. "Even with all the times I’ve messed up? Pushed you away?"

"Especially then," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. "I chose you, Logan, knowing every scar you carry. I chose you because you’re worth it. Because beneath all that gruff and growl, there’s a man with a heart bigger than he’ll ever admit."

Logan’s gaze softened, his usual guarded expression melting as he took in the honesty in your eyes. His fingers tightened around yours as if grounding himself in the warmth of your touch.

You swallowed, feeling your throat tighten as you searched for the right words. "Besides, you act like you haven’t been there for me—like I’m the only one giving in this marriage. But that’s not true. You’ve carried me, held me up when I couldn’t stand on my own." A tear slipped down your cheek, and you felt a tremble in your voice as you continued, more vulnerable than you’d ever allowed yourself to be. "I guess… I guess I need to tell you much you mean to me more, because if I ever lost you—"

Your voice broke, the unspoken thought hanging in the air between you. Logan’s hand moved to your face, his thumb gently wiping away the tear that had escaped. He looked at you with a raw intensity, like he was seeing you for the first time and realizing just how deeply his presence affected you.

"I don’t know what I’d do," you whispered, voice barely holding together. "Without you, it’d be like… losing the part of me that makes sense of the world. You’re my safe place, Logan. I don’t want a life that doesn’t have you in it."

A faint tremor ran through Logan, and for a moment he just stood there, absorbing your words. Then, in a rare, unguarded gesture, he pulled you against him, burying his face in your hair, his arms wrapping around you as if he could shield you from everything—himself included.

"You won’t lose me," he murmured, his voice rough, barely more than a whisper. "I’m here. And I’m not goin’ anywhere. Not ever."

You pulled back just enough to look up at him, your hands resting on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart under your palms. "Promise me," you whispered, your voice filled with both a plea and a demand.

Logan’s hand came up to cradle the side of your face, his thumb brushing your cheek as he met your gaze, raw and steady. "I promise, darlin’," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "As long as I’m breathin’, I’m yours."

You nodded, a soft smile breaking through the tears as you let out a shaky breath. "Good," you whispered, a hint of your usual fire returning. "Because I’m not letting you go. You’re stuck with me, tough guy."

A smile finally broke through Logan’s serious expression, a low, rough laugh rumbling from his chest. "Well, I guess I got the better end of that deal," he murmured, his thumb tracing softly over your lips, his gaze warm and unguarded. "Lucky me."

You let out a laugh, sniffing as you swatted his hand away playfully. "No, I’m the lucky one, and don’t go thinking otherwise." You shook your head, the emotions bubbling up as you looked up at him. "You’ve seen the darkest parts of me, Logan. You know it wasn’t always easy for me either."

Logan’s smile faded slightly, his hand still cupping your cheek as he looked down at you, his brow furrowing. "Yeah… I guess sometimes I forget that," he admitted quietly, his voice carrying a hint of regret. "I… I let that damn nightmare get the best of me last night. Pulled me into my head, made me feel like I was poisonin’ your life somehow." He sighed, looking away for a moment. "I let it eat at me, let it convince me that I was only draggin’ you down."

He trailed off, his thumb idly brushing against your cheek, almost as if grounding himself in the warmth of your skin. "Guess I let that fear carry me away," he murmured, his voice barely more than a whisper. "And I hurt you because of it."

Your hand found his, squeezing gently as you shook your head. "You don’t have to apologize for feeling like that. I know what those fears can do. I’ve had them too, remember?"

He frowned, a hint of confusion flashing in his eyes. "You? I… I didn’t know you ever doubted us like that."

A soft smile played on your lips, tinged with a hint of sadness. "Oh, I’ve had my moments. There was a time, back when we were dating when I thought I wasn’t strong enough for all this." You looked down, your fingers tracing small patterns on his hand as you continued. "There were days I felt like I couldn’t handle the weight of what you carried… like maybe I wasn’t enough for you."

Logan’s hand tightened around yours, his gaze darkening as if the thought alone pained him. "I had no idea," he murmured, his voice rough with emotion. "Why didn’t you tell me?"

You gave him a soft, reassuring smile. "Because you already had so much on your shoulders. I didn’t want to add to it. But… there was one night that changed everything."

He tilted his head slightly, his brows furrowing in curiosity. "Which night?"

You took a deep breath, a nostalgic smile crossing your face as you remembered. "It was that night when I got that phone call about my dad being in the hospital. You remember? I’d barely told you anything about him, about my family, because… well, I thought it was easier not to talk about it."

Logan nodded, his gaze intense, recalling the way you had looked that night—pale, shaken, trying to hold yourself together. "Yeah," he said softly. "You were tryin’ to act like you were fine, but I could see you were fallin’ apart inside."

You laughed lightly, nodding. "Exactly. I was a mess, trying so hard not to let it show. But then… you showed up. I was packing a bag, trying to figure out what to do, and suddenly, you were just there. You didn’t ask questions, didn’t push me to talk… you just held me." Your voice softened a hint of awe in it. "And then you drove me to the hospital and stayed with me all night, even though I told you it was fine and that you didn’t have to."

Logan looked down, a faint blush touching his cheeks, as if embarrassed by his own gentleness. "Didn’t seem like you should be alone," he muttered, almost to himself. "Couldn’t leave you to deal with that by yourself."

"Exactly," you whispered, lifting his hand to press a soft kiss to his knuckles. "That night, you made me feel like… like I was worth being cared for. Like I could fall apart, and you’d be there to catch me. That’s when I knew I loved you, Logan. Not because you’re some ‘tough guy’ who protects everyone around him, but because of the way you love—with everything you’ve got, even when it scares you."

He swallowed, visibly moved, his thumb still tracing your cheek as he looked down at you, the weight of your words settling over him. "You’re tellin’ me that one night… that’s what made you fall for me?"

You nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. "It made me fall more for you and since then, every time you’ve shown up, every time you’ve let your guard down just enough to let me in… it only made me love you more."

Logan exhaled, his hand slipping down to rest over your heart as if feeling the steady beat under his palm reassured him of something he could never put into words. "I don’t deserve you," he whispered, his voice breaking slightly. "But… God, I’m gonna try like hell to be the man you see me as."

You leaned up, brushing your lips softly against his, pouring every bit of reassurance and love you had into that kiss. "You already are," you murmured against his lips. "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. I wouldn’t trade you, or this life, for anything."

A soft laugh escaped him, full of relief and something tender. “Well,” he whispered, pulling you close, his forehead resting against yours. “I’m done lettin’ my own damn fears get in the way of us."

“Good,” you whispered. “Because marrying you was the best thing I ever did.” 

He leaned down, capturing your lips in a kiss. His hand moved to the small of your back, pulling you closer as if you might slip away. When you finally broke apart, he looked down at you with a gaze so soft, so full of unspoken devotion, it made your heart ache.

[d33pd3sire-blog]

Fill me up, buttercup.

NSFW TW: strap, detailed descriptions of cockwarming, implied sex.

How do y'all write smut this shit is harddd (that's what she said hehehe)

Hope y'all enjoy :)

The sound of clacking bottles and huffing can be heard from the hallway as you're getting into the dress you had picked out. You smile, knowing how cute Emily gets when she huffs.

'You good?' you yell from the bedroom. There's no response but Emily appears in the doorway looking sheepish.

'Wanna do my makeup for me? I can't seem to do it right.' she admits. Your eyes light up at the request, knowing how much fun this could be.

'Of course, let me just grab something first. Sit over there I'll be back in a second.' Emily does as she's told and grabs the chair from your desk, sitting down and waiting for you. A few seconds later you come back holding her purple strap.

'Put this on for me?' You tried to be confident in your choice to ask but was still worried as to what her reaction might be. Emily smiles, interested, but looks down at her watch.

'Baby we have to leave in 30 minutes we don't have time for that.' You pout slightly, knowing shes right.

'I know we don't, but we don't have to have sex. I just want you to fill me up, and who knows! Could be a nice intimate experience for the both of us.' You give Emily a pleading look, walking closer to her. Emily bites her lip, looking at her watch one more time before getting up and taking the harness from you and putting it on.

'C'mere' Emily said, placing the harness over her legs and pulling it the straps tight. She pats her lap, waiting for you. The way she looked at you had you grasping at your underwear, before getting into position.

You grab Emilys face and lift it so you're both looking into each others' eyes. The lust that paints both of you is palpable, neither of you quite understanding how the other is capable of making them feel this way. A few seconds pass before you remove your hands and lift up the skirt of your dress, lowering yourself onto her cock.

A small moan slips from your mouth, your head falling back slightly as you reach the hilt. 'Shit.' You say. Emily filling you up sends electricity up your spine, her arms wrapping around your waist. Once you're settled, you take a deep breath and take the eyeliner from your desk behind her.

'Are you ready?' you say biting your lip. Emily nods before adjusting herself. The slight movement rubbing her cock slightly inside of you.

You quickly grab Emilys neck and gasp 'Stop. Moving.' Emily snickers, trying not to move which fails slightly. Your head falls into her shoulder as you whimper slightly.

'Okay okay, I'll stop. You gotta finish my makeup before we leave because im not going to Rossi's with one wing okay?' She smiles at you and you take a deep breath.

'Okay stay still.' Each second that passes, makes you more and more desperate to thrust your hips. Emily catches on. Before you could get any gratification, Emilys hands land on your hips and holds you in place.

You whine in protest. 'Hey you wanted this remember?' Emily grins at you. You huff, getting back to the task at hand.

A few minutes go by, you desperate to finish her makeup. Emily loved the way you would gasp and whimper every time she would move or jolt.

'There, all done.' You sigh, moving your legs to lift yourself off of her. 'Wait.' Emily stopped you, glancing at her watch. The face she pulled gave her away.

'Do we have time?' you ask. Secretly praying that you were fast enough. Emily grabbed your thighs and lifted you up, standing and walking towards the bed. Both of you giggling and chuckling at each other like hyenas.

'I think we could squeeze this in.' She drops you onto the bed. Safe to say you guys were late that night, but neither of you cared.

[hyunjins-orange-slice-too]

beautiful

pairing: boyfriend hyunjin x skinny fem reader

genre: comfort, soft smut

word count: ~2.2k

warnings: reader is insecure about her body, crying, pet names, unprotected sex

an: this is for the person that requested this in my dms (it won’t let me tag you but i’ll send you a message that i posted it!) and it’s also for @jsabimi (she didn’t necessarily ask, but i also wrote it for her lol i hope that’s okay) i really hope i did this one right. i am a chubby girl myself, so i don’t really have the reference for feeling too thin. im really nervous to post this but i tried my best to put myself in that frame of mind and i just hope it turned out okay. i hope it’s comforting because yall deserve that. ♡

masterlist • chubby girl version w chan

‼ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⚠︎ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ‼ adults only • mdni ‼ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⚠︎ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ‼

it was a normal sunday. soft lofi music played in the background as you bustled around the kitchen, cleaning up after lunch. your boyfriend had disappeared to his room, suddenly saying the urge to paint struck him and he must not ignore it. that was a normal thing for him, so you just chuckled and agreed. he hadn’t been gone but ten minutes when you could hear him calling.

“angel?” he called from down the hall. you continued wiping the counter with a cloth as you called back to him. “yeah?”

“could you come in here please?”

you folded the towel up nicely and sat it next to the sink, before padding your bare feet down the hallway. you poked your head in the room. hyunjin was at his desk, papers strewn across, paint tubes precariously perched on the edge. his hair was every which way, having run his fingers through it over and over. he turned when he heard you approaching.

“could you come here, my love?” he stuck his hand out, reaching for you. you smiled and crossed the distance of the room, placing your hand in his. he pulled you into his lap. he looked down at you with soft eyes and brushed your hair over your shoulder, exposing your neck. he kissed you there, gently, no hidden meaning or lust behind it, just a simple peck. “do you think you could pose for me?” he asked, kissing the material of your t shirt that covered your shoulder.

your stomach turned in knots. pose for him? like how? you looked at him. “i don’t know hyune..”

“please? i want to paint but i need inspiration.” he nuzzled his nose against the skin of your throat. “and you’ve never let me paint you before.”

he was right. and it was for good reason. him painting you meant you had to sit and let him look at you for who knows how long. just sit there and let him study your body. you didn’t think you could do it.

“why don’t you paint me some flowers?” you suggested.

“i’ve painted so many flowers.” he whines. “i want to paint you.”

tears started welling up against your waterline. you wanted to make him happy, but you really didn’t think you could do this. and that made you feel.. ridiculous. a single tear fell over your cheek and landed on his wrist. his head snapped up, analyzing your face.

“angel..” he soothed. “why are you crying?”

the acknowledgment of your tears only made them fall quicker, soft streams flowing down your face. he did his best to catch them with his fingers. “you don’t have to pose for me. i didn’t mean to make you cry.” he guided your head to his chest, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing gently. you sobbed quietly into his shirt.

“lovely, where is this coming from?” he whispered.

your hands balled in the material of his shirt, your head shaking back and forth, unable to get the words out.

“did i do something?” he asked. “let me help you.” he rubbed soft strokes across your back.

you took a deep breath, doing your best to calm yourself, before looking up at him. he was blurry through your tear filled eyes but you could still see the concern on his face. “posing for you.. is scary.”

he wiped your cheeks, petted your hair, did anything he could think of to comfort you. “why is it scary, my love?” he took one of your hands in his and squeezed. “it’s just me. there’s nothing to worry about.”

you looked down at your joined hands. “i don’t want you to look at me..”

an expression of pure confusion washed over his features. “don’t want me to look at you?” he thought about it for a second. “angel, i hate to break this to you, but i look at you all the time. it’s one of my favorite things to do.”

a watery chuckle escaped your throat at that. “but looking at me for a moment is different than studying me for a painting.” you tried to explain yourself. “i’m not.. pretty enough for a painting.”

“where in the world did you get the idea that you’re not pretty enough for a painting?” his heart hurt at your words. “if anything, you’re too pretty. i’m not sure my painting skills would do you justice.”

“you’re just saying that because you’re my boyfriend.” you sniffled.

he thought hard about what he could do to make you see what he sees. how he could make you understand. he thought if you would just let him paint you or draw you, that maybe you could see. “do you trust me?” he asked suddenly.

you nodded without hesitation. you trusted him more than anyone else.

“even if it’s scary, trust me. okay?”

you nodded again, your nervousness growing.

he patted your thigh twice. “go sit on the bed for me.” he kissed your cheek before gently shooing you in the direction of the bed.

on shaky legs you did as he asked, awkwardly perching yourself on the edge of the mattress and facing him. he grabbed his sketch pad and a pencil and held them in his lap. “now take your clothes off.”

you eyes widened in fear. “hyune..” you said in protest.

“do you trust me?” he interrupted. you nodded again. “it’s just me and you, angel.”

your eyes welled with tears again as you grabbed the hem of your oversized shirt. it fit you more like a dress and that’s the way you liked it. it did its job to hide everything. but if you took it off.. everything would be visible. you started to spiral. has he ever seen you naked in the daylight before? maybe he doesn’t really know what you look like. would he think you looked bony? would he be disgusted?

“baby you’re overthinking.” he said. “i’ve seen you bare before, and you’re so beautiful. this is just a different setting. it’s okay.”

you wondered for a fleeting moment if he could read your mind. and with a deep shaky breath, you lifted your shirt over your head and dropped it on the floor. you had your eyes closed, you arms wrapped around your middle. the cold air giving you goosebumps.

“there you go, pretty.” he smiled. “now your pants.”

the pants seemed easy after your top was off. you kicked them to the floor, leaving you in just your bra and panties. you still had your eyes closed, not wanting to see his face, to see the disappointment that must surely be in his eyes.

you heard him exhale, a shaky sound. “now.. uh.. could you lean back? rest on your hands?”

you did as he asked, putting your hands behind you and resting on your palms. you felt fully exposed now. your body shaking with fear. you worried that your ribs were visible. that your hips were poking out. but you refused to open your eyes to check. keeping them closed was the only thing keeping you from panic.

he exhaled a shaky breath again. “my love.. you are breathtaking.” you could hear his pencil scraping against his paper, slowly and then quickly, slowly and then quickly, as he drew lines and shaded shadows.

after what felt like forever, sitting in the same position, you got lost in your own head, with your eyes closed and the rhythmic sound of his pencil, you felt peaceful. you didn’t notice him get up from his chair and cross the room. he knelt on the floor in front of you and reached out to touch your thighs. but he didn’t want to startle you. “angel..” he breathed out, a soft whisper.

you opened your eyes to find him kneeling between your knees, slowly bringing his hands to your skin. your breath hitched in your throat as his lithe fingers came in contact with your soft thighs. he gently spread them apart, his fingers ghosting up to your waist. he slotted himself between your legs, wrapping his arms around your middle and pulling you closer. he kissed your skin. kissed your hips at the hem of your panties, kissed your tummy just above your belly button, kissed your ribs under the cup of your bra, kissed your sternum. your hands found his hair, you insecurities slowly fading away with each kiss.

“you’re stunning.” he mumbled against your skin.

you shook your head no, unable to believe him, but loosing focus with him being so close.

“you’re perfect.”

he looked up at you through his lashes as he expertly unclasped your bra behind your back. he detached his lips from you to help you remove the clothing item and tossed it over his shoulder and onto the floor. his lips immediately returned to your skin. his tongue found your nipple, swirling and flicking. he watched as your head fell back, your mouth open. he was doing his best to commit it all to memory, doing his best to take in every detail so he could put it to paper later. he crawled up your body, his lips never leaving you, but traveling up. he kissed your collarbones, your neck, your jaw, and finally your lips, as he helped you recline back onto the sheets.

he kissed you deeply as he hovered over you, one hand supporting his weight, the other hand rubbing softly over your panties. you sighed against his lips, your body tingling. his tongue explored your mouth, he tasted of the coffee he had with his lunch.

your hands roamed under his shirt to feel his torso, running up and down the expanse of muscle. the hand he had in between your legs, gently pulled your panties to the side. he slipped his middle finger between your lips. “so wet baby..” he breathed against your mouth. “so beautiful.”

he slipped a finger inside, and then another, slowly pushing in and pulling out, curling them to touch that special spot inside. your nails dug into his bare shoulders, a gasp falling past your lips. he continued his motions, the sounds of your arousal floating in the air around you. and too soon for your liking, he removed his fingers and sat back on his heels. he looked down at you, admiring. and you could see nothing but love in his eyes. maybe a pinch of lust clouded his vision, but mostly love.

“you are so beautiful.” he ran his fingers over the skin of your tummy. “i could never paint this. i could never get it right. but god i want to try.”

he unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down, along with his boxers, kicking them off. he slipped his shirt over his head and tossed it in the same direction of his pants, a growing pile of both your clothes on the floor.

he grasped himself in his hand, rubbing up and down, spreading his arousal along his shaft. “do you see what you do to me?”

“please..” you reached for him, quietly begging.

he lined himself up with your entrance and slowly pushed himself in. his body fell on top of yours. one hand cradling your head, the other hand finding yours and intertwining your fingers together. his head was buried in your neck, kissing and licking your skin as he breathed in your ear. you moaned at the feeling of him inside of you. “my love..” he breathed. “so beautiful, my love.. fuck..”

his thrusts increased in speed and you fluttered around him. “feels so good..” you whined.

“you’re a goddess..” he kissed your neck and bit your earlobe. “i can’t last much longer.. cum with me.”

and with a sigh of his name, you let go around him, squeezing him, causing him to release inside you with a whimper.

he collapsed next to you, breathing heavy and kissing every inch of skin he could reach with his lips. he collected himself for a moment, enjoying this proximity, before pulling away and standing up. you admired his body, his muscled back, as he returned to his chair at his desk.

“where are you going?” you pouted.

“i have to finish the sketch.” he said, grabbing his pad and pencil. “i got too excited earlier while looking at you and couldn’t finish it.” his face flushed with his confession and you smiled, eyes falling closed in a state of bliss.

you were almost asleep when you heard him get up and return to the bed. he sat next to you and presented you with the sketch. you looked at the paper and then looked at him, shocked. you sat up and took the paper from him, tracing the lines with your finger. “hyune.. this is..”

“beautiful?”

you looked at him. it was. that’s what it was. it was beautiful. “this is me..?” you asked in disbelief. but of course it was. you could see it. it was clearly you. the point of your nose, the curve of your shoulder, he even added a little color on your cheeks and lips. it was definitely you and it was beautiful.

“this is how i see you.” he said. “and it doesn’t even come close to capturing how truly stunning you really are.”

and for the first time.. you kind of believed him. you could see it with your own eyes. a work of art in front of you. and you were sure that your insecurities would return. but now you knew, that in those moments, you could return to hyunjin. return to his sketch, and be reminded that you really are beautiful.

ᯓᡣ𐭩

♡ pls reblog if you liked it! it truly helps a lot and makes me smile :) ♡

©hyunjins-orange-slice-too i do not give permission for this work or any of my work to be translated, copied, or reposted.

am i posting this at 11am on a tuesday? you bet i am. when inspiration strikes, you gotta roll with it. ik ive been posting a lot of ramblings and depressing shit on my blog recently and i really appreciate you guys letting me do that. am i back now? idk. i hope so. fingers crossed. ♡

[lukalnst]

o em gee i was so happy to discover you and that you also wrote for alien stage! i’ve loved all of ur works so for and i couldn’t help but want to request something as well! would it be possible to request some hurt/comfort with till from alien stage? maybe you both got into a little fight or ur jealous abt something idk im not vv creative but feel free to skip this if you like! thank you for reading and have a great day <333

Jealousy + Till x Reader

Includes: Hurt/comfort, gender neutral reader, eventual fluff don't worry,,, light angst , a few kisses , short

A/N: I'm so glad you were happy to discover me heehhee ^.^

If it was jealousy, you were used to it.

Still, you really couldn't help but feel somewhat jealous when Till spent time with other people — yes, you couldn't have him all to yourself all the time, so you had to share him with other people... Still, you couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy.

The way he expressed himself with other people was... different. He was different when he was with you and when he was with others. Did he not feel safe enough with you? Were you not good enough of a partner? Many questions filled your mind, most of which you guessed would remain unanswered as for now.

He also seemed... content to be with other people. What if he found someone else who was better than you? Someone who made him feel more loved than you could ever make him feel?

It hurt so much just to think about it.

Eventually, you had grown distant from him. This didn't go unnoticed by Till, though. He noticed the small changes in your demeanor, the way you wouldn't share as much about yourself as you used to do.

One day, while you two were lying in bed, he tried to place his hand on your shoulder, to which you just moved away slightly. He couldn't pretend as if things were alright anymore.

First, he called out your name. "Hey. I can tell somethin' is wrong. Do you wanna talk about it?" his voice seemed to be gentler than usual, if you were upset, he didn't want to make you feel worse than you probably already were.

You stayed silent for a while, and you felt a small knot form in your throat. Despite this, you decided to reply. "It's – well... you just seem so happy to be with others, and... I'm not sure if you will be happy with me," you continued. "I mean.. what if you find someone better?" Your voice slightly cracked.

Till himself was familiar with feelings of jealousy, but he was much more shy about them. That wasn't what he wanted to focus on right now, though. "Someone better?" he asked.

"I really don't want anyone else, I want you. I don't care for others, really," He positioned himself so you could maintain eye contact with him better. "I want you with all of your flaws and imperfections... All that sappy stuff, I want you with all of your qualities."

Your eyes were filled with tears soon enough, many of whom were spilled and had started to run down your face. He wanted you with all of your insecurities — he managed to see right through them, too.

"Hey, don't cry," He uttered out. He was quick to wrap his arms around you and softly kiss your tears away. "I love you, so be happy, okay?" He planted a soft kiss on your cheek.

You hadn't exactly had someone care this much about you... most people wouldn't care to reassure or comfort you, but Till was different.

"One day, it'll just be two of us. You can ignore all the pricks who ever tried to take my attention away from you." He smiled softly at you, something which was an unfamiliar sight for others to see.

As he softly held you in his arms, you knew you'd be safe with him. He wasn't going to find someone better or leave you anytime soon. At least, that's what you wanted to tell yourself.

He softly whispered small words of reassurance into your ear, then pressed his lips against your own.

[prettyboykatsuki]

i am so devastated by todays outcome. i am so sick to my stomach. this has me so heartbroken. i don’t know what to say or do. i know this is so stupid, all things considered, but i am genuinely scared they will take tumblr/ao3 away. fanfic/fandom is such a safe space for me. i am at a loss. you and so many others have changed my life on here. please know i love you and your work. i know there are more pressing things, i just had to get this off my chest. i hope they don’t care enough to take it, but i fear they will.

oh man

i dont think its silly you're worried about that. im sure u know there are bigger fish to fry but sometimes its those kind of losses that weigh on you a lot and i dont blame you. and with the whole anti porn thing a lot of conservatives r trying to push i think its a valid concern

i dont want to feed you empty platitudes about what will be okay and what wont. but i do have confidence in the fact that we will get through this and that there is perhaps no time better than now that people will want to come together and make things and find joy and that hope will persevere even over persecution.

i love you too and i love everyone here and i love that there is a place like this for us. it will be okay regardless but. its a good reminder to continuing being kind to each other for things we might take for granted right now like access

[shuaboo]

so ricky having a breeding and size kink with the reader…yk where he then pins the readers thighs to their chest just goes at it 😀😀

mdni nsfw under the cut

DAMN I GOT LIKE TWO ASKS ABT SIZE KINKS WITH DIFF MEMBERS.. ALL Y’ALL INTO SIZE KINKS???? who threw a size kink party and forgot to invite me 🙅🏻‍♀️?

THIS HIGHKEY TURNED INTO A FULL ON FIC sorry i love to yap. im the #1 yap god

anyway this is some delicious shit… i know ricky hate to see me comin 😭. he knows it’s unlikely you’ll have a baby when you’re both only 20. that’s far too young! but poor ricky just loves your pretty pussy so much, he wants to breed you and paint your walls white with his cum. :c he’s been hitting the gym lately, so he’s gotten bigger and stronger. that doesn’t help his case at all. now everytime you have sex, all he wants to do is put you in positions you didn’t even know existed and fuck you. all while begging you to let him cum inside because he wants to breed you soooo bad.

“hngh.. fuck.. baby please please let me cum inside, please.” ricky says as he fucks you in an inhumane pace, while he holds your legs open with one of them placed on his shoulder. “no— ah! n-no, ricky.. you can’t..” you manage to say in between broken moans, rejecting his pleads. ricky whines at your rejection, the image of you with his kid filling his mind. “don’t you want a mini us running around? hm? c’mon, don’t you wanna feel me stuff you full of my cum, baby?” ricky says, maintaining his speed ans kissing and nipping at your chest. “o-of course i want to, but—“ you try to explain, but ricky cuts you off. “then please let me cum inside you. i wanna stuff you full with my cum. give you my kid. mine. you’re all mine, right?” ricky pleads with you again. you nod at him and moan, tears falling down your face from how hard he’s fucking you. the thoughts of of ricky cumming inside you, ricky looking so happy with your kid, and ricky helping you when your boobs get sore because you’re pregnant clouding your head. eventually, it gets too much and he successfully convinces you to let him cum inside. ricky smirks at his triumph and fucks you even faster n harder than before if that’s possible. “shit.. ah— gonna look so.. so good when you’re stuffed full of my cum… even better when you’re carrying my baby.. i love you.. i love you.. i love you s’much..” ricky moans out as his thrusts start to get sloppy, signaling that he’s close. “f-fuck! baby, im g’na cum.. gonna let me cum inside right?” ricky asks and lowers himself to kiss you. you moan into the kiss and pull back again. “yes.. yes, yes, yes please cum inside me, ricky… oh fuck—“ you cry out as you cum around his length. your words alone makes his dick throb harder than ever, and he cums inside of you. both of you are panting from the long fucking session you just had, and ricky falls right beside u on the bed.

ricky adjusts himself so he’s facing you, and puts a hand on your cheek to make you face him. “y-you didn’t say that just because i wanted to cum inside you, right?” ricky asks you hesitantly, wanting to make sure you wanted it too and you didn’t just do it because he was into it. “fuck— yeah, of course. im sure about it. i don’t regret it either, but i think we should still get a plan b.” you answer him and chuckle, putting your own hand above his. ricky smiles and nods at your answer, kissing you quickly before sitting up. “c’mon lets get cleaned up, i’ll pick up the plan b tomorrow, kay?” you murmur an “okay” and nod. ricky smiles and picks you up so he can take you to the bathroom and help you shower.

“you sure you’re just here to help me shower?” you say teasingly at him. ricky rolls his eyes at your words, and leans down smirking. “yeah yeah, unless… you need another round? can’t get enough of me can you, baby?” he teases you right back. you slap his arm and pull him closer to kiss him.

pulling back from the kiss, ricky gives you a soft smile. “i love you so much, you know that? there’s no one else i want to do this with other than you.” you smile at his words, touched by his confession (that u alr knew..). “of course i do. i love you too. now, let’s shower. i feel icky.” you say back to him and both of you laugh at your last statement.

yay! ricky if u dont get over here and fuck me rn—

[chr1sfilmed]

summary: you and matt have been dating officially for about two months, you’ve not been feeling yourself lately and chris of all people notices..

warnings/involves: suggestive, fluff, kind of mean matt, pregnancy, blood etc, (these warnings are for the other parts too!!)

first part!

you’re waiting in your living room for matt, nick and chris to get to your house to pick you up and go get food before going back to there house.

your comfy on the sofa as you hear a car horn beep outside, you get up from the sofa, nausea hitting you, you just thought you stood up a bit too fast because sometimes that happens. you open your front door and watch as matt gets out the car and opens the passenger door, you dawdle over to the car, your sleepover duffel in hand.

“can we put this in the trunk baby, it’s heavy,” you suggest as you hand matt the bag before getting into the car, “heyy guys,” you say with a small smile spread across your face.

chris and nick begin talking to you about their day and how excited they are that you’re staying over, you’re not talking as much due to the sickened feeling which lay on your tongue.

matt gets back into the car before planting a soft kiss on your lips, chris and nick look at eachother with a grin on their faces, “matt uh is it okay if we order food i don’t really feel like going out for it..” you ask hoping for him to agree, he agrees before pulling out from the sidewalk and driving away.

your stood in their kitchen talking to marylou whilst they are sat in the living room, she’s just asking how you’re doing and making sure it’s okay with you’re mom that your sleeping at your boyfriends house.

“baby are you ready to go upstairs??” matt shouts from the living room, you shout a small yeah back before saying bye to his mom and going up the stairs, matt behind you carrying your duffel.

as soon as you step into matts room he throws your bag onto his bed before turning you around and placing his hands on your waist, running them up and down your sides, “mm’ baby you look so good..” he says as he begins to kiss your neck, “baby i don’t feel like it, m’ sorry,” you say breathless.

he nods his head as he removes his hands from your sides, he silently sits down on the bed with his phone in hand, ignoring you due to what you said. you spend 30 minutes sat on the end of the bed waiting for matt to speak to you, but as expected, he doesnt and only peaks a few glances at you, this annoys you as you’re already in a mood so you tell him your going downstairs to sit with chris and nick and all he does is nod his head.

as your walking from his bedroom door to the stairs, you begin to feel sick once again with cramps pulsing in your abdomen, must be your period coming.

you walk through the kitchen and into the living room just to see chris spread across the sofa, “oh hey chris, where is everybody?” you question confused, “hey uh so nick and my mom have went grocery shopping and my dad must be at work, why?” you reply with a shrug as you sit down next to him after he moves his feet closer to his body so there’s room for you.

“so where’s matt at, he still upstairs?” chris asks, “oh uh yeah i think he’s mad at me so i just wanted to sit down here until he’s finished with his little mood,” as you say this you feel a sharp pain in your lower stomach making you hunch over, chris immediately reaches towards you and puts a hand on your lower back, “what happened? are you okay??” chris worries, you just nod and tell him what you felt, until something hits you.

“oh fuck!” you mumble harshly, chris looks at you confused, yous both sit there until you begin crying out of worry, “what the fuck, are you okay?” he pulls you into a hug immediately, chris hates seeing anyone cry.

“tell me what happened, why are you crying?” chris questions, “you cannot tell anybody chris, not yet until i know okay?” you say to chris as he raises his eyebrows in a confused way.

“i think im pregnant chris,” you mumble, you feel chris’s full body stiffen around you, “you’re joking, you’ve been with matt for barely two months, how have you had time to do that? you’ve not had a sleepover until today? we have to tell matt!” chris overwhelms you with questions, you immediately burst into tears completely. “no! not yet atleast! i cannot tell matt until i know for sure!” you blurt out, chris looks at you worried, his hand falls from your back and he immediately stands up and grabs onto your hand, dragging you up from the sofa.

“we are walking to the shop come on!” chris says.

you and chris get back from the store and your walk into the bathroom, chris outside leaning against the wall.

you take the test and place it onto the counter closest to the toilet, you sit there biting your nails, knees bouncing and a worried look plastered on your face.

after two minutes had passed, you open the bathroom door and hurry chris inside.

“you can flip it chris, okay?” chris replies with a nod as he flips it gently and pulls it close to his face to help him read it, “you are fucked.” he mumbles.

as he says this, a knock comes from the other side of the door, “whoever’s in there hurry up!” matt shouts, you immediately jump and drop the test on the floor, chris turns around and opens the door as you bend down to pick the test up before you stuff it into your bra.

“why the fuck are yous two in the bathroom together??” matt questions confused as he sees the tears coming from your eyes, “what’s wrong baby, i’m sorry for getting mad at you for not wanting to have sex, i love you,” matt rambles on apologetically. chris’s face twists at this, “i did not need to know that,” he airs out as he pushes past matt and goes to the living room, matt soon moves closer to you, wrapping his arms around you as you cry.

“baby, talk to me..” he mumbles next to your ear as he places his head on your shoulder, only this makes the pregnancy tests box visible to him as it is sat onto of the toilet lid. “what the fuck is that doing there?” he says confused and stressed, you’re confused as your turned away from what he saw, until you twisted your neck and seen it.

“i’m so sorry baby! i didn’t mean to get pregnant! please don’t dump me!” you blurt out not leaving a space between your words. matt stands in front of you stunned, “YOU’RE PREGNANT!” he shouts shocked, only to realise that nick and chris are stood behind him, “SHES WHAT??” nick screams.

𓂃 ࣪˖ a/n : this is PART 1 , i’m gonna do another part later tonight, normally i wouldn’t really want to write stuff about pregnancy but i felt like it today so!!

thank you for reading !! 🩵

[theoldkyokodied]

Uploading all my Tomgreg art at once from the past few week before season 4 hits, who knows in what kind of mental state i'm gonna be once it does :')

[daily-hanamura]

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

some Lights Out au scribbles. thinking about Sally... thinking about her A Lot... shhhh she's sleeping<3

[ar1mas]

- a rant

no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???

ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...

theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.

okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).

so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.

that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.

.....or so i thought.

because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.

what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.

WHAT.

WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.

correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.

note how im saying 'would have'.

because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.

so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.

...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.

now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.

the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.

so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.

im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-

youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?

...oh.

YOU.

YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-

inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.

i hate him. i hate him so much.

if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??

'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.

a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!

(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)

ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:

this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.

i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺

unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.

which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-

"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."

"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."

hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-

"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."

"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"

...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.

unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.

and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.

"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."

"you gave up your revenge for me?"

a chance... for what?

"life begins anew."

"shall we get to work?"

and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.

so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.

nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.

so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).

tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.

have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-

[sforzesco]

THE BROTHERS SFORZA

augh. there sure is a lot going on between them. tfw you know your older brother is wary of you so you have to navigate that fine line of proving you're useful, but not dangerously so. tfw your younger brother has the potential to be a knife in your back, but he's your brother. don't think too hard about what happened with the galeazzo. unfortunately, you're both visconti as well as sforza, and the visconti were prone to conspiracy. fucking RIP.

this definitely won't be upsetting years down the line when ascanio is near death and ludovico will be desperate to figure out how to bring his brother's body back to milan so ascanio can be interred in the same place as ludovico's recently deceased wife, beatrice d'este, and where ludovico himself has been haunting in a perpetual state of grief.

& the background of the first panel are public domain scans of two cards out of the visconti-sforza tarot deck.

Ascanio Maria Sforza: la parabola politica di un cardinale-principe del Rinascimento, Marco Pellegrini

[rbtlvr]

if you look in the dictionary under the definition of '(derogatory (affectionate))' you see a picture of him btw

(Totally Not Leo jester guy belongs to @liketheletter-l)

[palukoo]

The Great Lie (1941)

[joelletwo]

v what realization did i have the other day. i think thinking about the agoraphobia and where the hell that came from bc other than the ambient Scared Of Everything anxiety i never really had a prompting fear and i also had the behaviors like. as far back into my childhood as i cant remember. so the impulse was to go 'oh im just [dismissive self insults] then'

but then i thought no actually like. avoidance feels like a perfectly reasonable possible response to the autism/shit parents experience of like. whats the. some rat study where arbitrary shocks were applied vs predictable/prompted ones and eventually the arbitrary group rats just give up and stop trying stuff. when youre doing normal kid exploring what behaviors are okay investigation. and you cant figure out any pattern or consistency to which behaviors get punished and which dont. u stop trying stuff and trying stuff gives u fear of being punished.

[imgonnagetyoubacktv]

pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn

omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?